i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
