I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
