I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
