i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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