Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize