Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
