is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There r osticjed everywhere
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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