Do you still have your period?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
