my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
