I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I want to be your penis for a week.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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