Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize