It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
