I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
