She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
