my mouth tastes like poor choices
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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