Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
