There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
