see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
