everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
