Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I need help removing her.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
