are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
