I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
