yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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