Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
