I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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