How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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