Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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