If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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