new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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