u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
