you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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