You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
