Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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