Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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