omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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