yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
