all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
