My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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