My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
