There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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