Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Welp...herpes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
