my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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