I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
