I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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