you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
