If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
