He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
