Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
