took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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