We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
