Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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