moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize