i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
