probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
NoShamevember. You game?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
