I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
