I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
