So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
