So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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