im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
