omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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