Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I want is dick and wine.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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