It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
