the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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