I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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