I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize