...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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