maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
