Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They took my balls.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
