Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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