apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
false alarm. still invincible.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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