you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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