I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
