I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize