I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
