Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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