No stitches, just platelets and will power
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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