And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize