1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize